Nice Work!

April 11, 2007

Sometimes Mediocrity and Lies Go Hand in Hand

[...] I get tired of reading about people who do nothing but parrot information they’ve read in books or on billboards or watched on the goddamn television. I grow weary of dull, impassioned arguments that were gift wrapped by some higher authority with an agenda and crammed down our throats until our minds turned to mush and started leaking out of our ears. I want to tell people to quit fucking quoting me statistics about global warming that they read on MSN. Instead, look around the world and tell me what you think is happening. Form your own hypothesis. Do your own research. Quit depending on a society to tell you what is real! When did we all lose faith in our individual ability to learn anyway? And when did learning become synonymous with memorization? You can’t teach a conscience. It comes strictly from personal experiences [...]

And:

The 5 Worst Bloggers on the Internet

[...] We just have ineffectual public school systems now that are churning out stupid, incompetent children quicker than MTV’s Jackass can wipe them out.

She’ll probably now expand that list to six and put me on it. Please!


Sammy Puts Me On TV. Sort Of.

April 11, 2007

That Palm Addicts whirlwind mastermind, Sammual McLoughlin, just put out his latest videocast, PA TV #71, and he graciously mentions me in it.

Screensnaps!

PATV 01

PATV 02

PATV 03

And there I am:

PATV 04

Up-close action:

PATV 05

The videocast is QuickTime, but if you use Download Helper and vlc, you can watch it on your desktop and even take screensnaps. vlc is really something else!

Sammy really leads a charmed life. Not only does he have the monster Palm Addicts site, he has a face and voice that work splendidly on video. He’s gonna get a lot of lady fans!


It’s A Phone, You Life-Deprived Eejits! A P-h-o-n-e!

April 11, 2007

Oh for crying out loud!

I really didn’t want to do this, but the hype over the Nokia N95 (no, I will not link to anything Nokian! Not ever!) is really twisting my shorts.

I went to the Nokia Store Monday night, after leaving the Apple Store. I intended only to get a picture of the goddammed fugly place, but that ginormous N95 banner sucked me in.

Nokia Store 01

I asked to see it and, as befits my stature in life, I was personally escorted to it by some lackey. Who also gave me a brief demo.

Then came the part that nearly caused me to rupture my intestines from suppressing my laughter: the price.

SEVEN HUNDRED AND FORTY NINE DOLLARS!

For a phone.

No, no, no. Don’t argue with me.

It’s a goddammed phone!

I don’t care that it has a 5MP camera built-in. Nokia is not a camera producer.

I don’t care that it has GPS built-in. Are you going to tell me that wee screen is ideal for GPS?

I don’t care that it can play video and music. These days, what the fuck can’t?

And, no no no!, don’t play that You Can Do Word Processing And Work On It. No you fucking can’t! There’s no keyboard!

That’s right, folks, web browsing is a marvelous experience — not! — because you can do it by using the fucking phone keypad, as if you were doing SMS!

Nokia continues to take my breath away. They’ve found yet another way to make using the Internet a suicide-inducing experience.

And for US$749.00.

Hahahahahahahaha!!!


iPhone: The First Game?

April 11, 2007

Scenario Poker

What’s New in this Version
[...]
- Designed for the size of iPhone’s touch screen

–linkswipe via Palm Infocenter post

Prior relevant coverage in this blog:
It’s Time To Stop Looking At Cheap Devices!
Photo Album: Prada Cellphone Poster
I Call This Bullshit
Bill Gates Praises Macintosh, Then Plots To Kill It
Does Apple Hold The Key To Breaking Open Computing Everywhere?
iPhone: The Next Generation?!!?
He Phone On His iPhone
Steve Jobs Kept Saying “Unbelievable”
The iPhone Oscar Ad: Hello!
I Said There Would Be An Apple Ad During The Oscars
Will iPhone Games Work Like This?
Another Jackass Quote For All History — No, TWO Of Them!
A Variety Of Writings About The iPhone
Compaq Had An Accelerometer Before Both Apple And Palm!
The iPhone Is A First-Generation Pocket Mac
Palm Had The Accelerometer Before iPhone — Almost!
Palm Continues To Create Future iPhone Buyers
A Pocket Keyboard Fit For The iPhone?
A Funny Feeling About The iPhone
Video: iPhone Vs. WinMob
Samsung Ultra Smart F700: Oh Puhleeze!
Welcome, Apple. Seriously. (Not!)
iPhone: Three — Count ‘Em — Three Cores
That Z Word
What About The Aptly Abbreviated WinCE, BillG?
OS X Widgetry And iPhone Possibilities
Future 2.0
Accelerating My iPhone Lust
iPhone Blog Worth A Look
More iPhone Absolute Must-Reads
A Jackass Quote For All Of History
Errrr… Because Palm Be Eejits And Palm Desktop Ain’t No iTunes Store Neither!
iPhone: The Must Read
Widescreen iPod: Multi-Touch Need Not Apply
Apple’s Future Anti-Competitive Court Date Looms…
Let’s Do The Moebius Strip!
Another Paper iPhone
As I Said: iPhone Vs. Universal Music
Is iPhony Illegal?
iTube
Applenomics, Or Why Steve Jobs Will Now Hate Me For Ever And Ever
Alan Pritt Sees Far
Have an iPhone NOW!
Steven Levy Nails It Again
Whoa! A Newton Cellphone?
An iPhone WTF?
New iPhone Site
Bravo Nicholas Carr!
iPhone Size
Michael Mace Does Comedy Now
Some Questions About the Apple iPhone
Why Hasn’t Anyone Noticed The iPod Is Dead?
iPhone Is LifeDrive II?


OK. This Just Freaks Me Out. It Better Freak You Out Too!

April 11, 2007

Derren Brown – Subliminal Advertising — YouTube video (G-rated; safe for work, Christians and other Children)

Whoa!

Thanks for making me feel more programmed by others than I already do. It was just this morning I was contemplating the Philip K. Dick story, The Electric Ant too!

–linkswipe via reddit


As They Used To Say: Who Died And Left You Boss?

April 11, 2007

Code of Conduct: Lessons Learned So Far

Shut up.

No, really. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Just shut the fuck up already!

Previously in this blog:
Warren Ellis Chimes In On The Blog Nazis Too
John Scalzi Tells The Blog Nazis To Get Lost Too!
Jarvis Calls Them Twinkie Badges; I Called Them Fucking Stickers
Fuck You And Your Fucking Stickers, You Fucking Fuckheads


Heather: They’re Still Looking For You

April 11, 2007

Geez, people are still coming here looking for Heather Johnston items.

There’s no news!

I hope, for her, that’s good news.

I did see a MySpace claim of her showing up at someone’s place, but I’m not going to link to something unconfirmed.

Be strong, Heather.

Heather alone

Category link


It’s The People, Stupid!

April 11, 2007

That Unique Grindhouse Theatrical Experience Just Got Rarer

Wow, I have to just sit back and exclaim “wow!” How did we get to this? One of the best reviewed films of 2007 so far, plus one of the most widely publicized and hyped films (at least on the internet) with two solid weeks of emphasis, and it turns out such a poor weekend?

Hello? Do you really think anyone in their right fucking mind is going to sit in a darkened room with too few exits with the kind of people who have been looking forward to seeing that movie?

It takes a lot to get me into a movie theater. Every time I go, there are … other people. Many of whom have no fucking business being let out in public.

Big screen TVs sell like mad not because they are TVs — but because they allow a movie-like experience without the rest of the fucking audience.

That’s also why DVD revenues often exceed box office grosses.

I don’t want to sit next to you.

In fact, I never want to sit next to you.


Warren Ellis Chimes In On The Blog Nazis Too

April 11, 2007

Oh, Fuck Off

And then he thinks a bit and adds one of those fucking stickers to his site. In Patented Warren Ellis Style, of course:

Civility Enforced

Previously in this blog:
John Scalzi Tells The Blog Nazis To Get Lost Too!
Jarvis Calls Them Twinkie Badges; I Called Them Fucking Stickers
Fuck You And Your Fucking Stickers, You Fucking Fuckheads


Nokia 770: Now 99.9% Shit!

April 11, 2007

Yesterday I must have suffered some transient brain damage because I got it into my head to “update” the OS on that goddammed Nokia 770 Internet Tablet.

It’s been running slower than an impacted bowel movement, so I wanted to see what a virgin update to it would do. And by virgin, I mean I didn’t do a backup to restore anything. Lost all my bookmarks doing that.

The sacrifices I make for you people!

First step was to update the desktop wizard. That went smoothly.

Next step was to download the blah-blah-blah.49-2 OS update. That went less than smoothly. After five attempts that ended in download timeouts, corrupted files, and other techno-eejitcy, I gave up for a few hours. Hours later, a download that had been earlier timed to take twenty minutes completed in a breathtaking five.

Then it updated the 770 itself. That went fine.

I then wiped out the swap file on the RS-MMC and built a new one. The card had about 2MB of files on it that I didn’t wipe out. I allotted half of the card to a swap file: 32 of its 64MB!

So, last night I go to the Winter Garden to try it out and it was the worst goddammed disaster yet for that abominable piece of shit!

Within the half hour I tried to use it, the browser crashed and repeatedly froze on sites I’d been able to view with the prior version!

I opened my blog and tried to put back bookmarks from the sites listed on my Blogroll. Forget that! David Bamford’s site repeatedly froze. I’d never had that problem ever before. The same thing happened with Scribez and Scalzi’s blog. Again, those sites could be accessed just fine before!

Wonderful!

Nokia just stopped me from accessing three sites!

But it wasn’t through yet!

Calling up Junkiness gave me a goddammed undismissable dialog box that Flash 7 was required! With the prior software, I could dismiss that box by tapping Cancel. No longer!

A fourth critical site denied me!

I had to pull the battery out three times due to freezes. I had to hard reset it five times!

Congratulations again, Nokia, on a job very well fucked-up! You’ve made tech history by giving us repeated “updates” that are actually repeated downgrades of functionality.

I hope Palm comes out with a competing product and kills your fucking piece of shit!

I hope Apple’s iPhone wipes your goddammed company off the face of the earth!

Good fucking riddance to the whole fucking lot of you!

Prior relevant coverage in ths blog of the worst goddammed tech product ever produced:
It’s Time To Stop Looking At Cheap Devices!
OQO: Tough Shit
Oh Look! Just Like My Nokia 770 Nightmare!
Why Does The Truth Always Come Out Too Damned Late?!!?
Don’t Beg Those Bastards! Boycott Their Shit!
A Horror Of Lovecraftian Proportions
Hey, Nokia! This Is How Quality Works!
Welcome, Apple. Seriously. (Not!)
WTF?!!? Will The Nokia N800 Be Worth Buying After All? (Updated: No.)
Like This Shit Is News?
770 Shitcanned By Nokia
Nokia 770: The Endgame
Coming Real Soon Now: My FINAL Nokia Post
Nokia N800: Still Shit!
CrunchGear Has Balls!
Blame the Nokia 770, Dammit!
Nokia 770: Now Twice As Shitty
Nokia 770 Plumbs New Depths Of Shit!
Nokia 770 Gets Shittier
Is Nokia Delusional?
Nokia 770 Regains Shit Title
There Is A Right Way, And There Is The Nokia Way
Is Nokia Totally Incompetent?
Are You Nokia 770 Owners Nuts?!!?
Nokia: Please Unshackle Me!
(Anti-) Progress Report


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