Regis Rises!

March 20, 2007


Regis Philbin fine after heart surgery

LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) — Daytime television host Regis Philbin was cracking jokes with nurses a day after heart surgery, co-host Kelly Ripa told the “Live with Regis and Kelly” audience Thursday.


She said that one of his doctors says Philbin has “the heart of a 19-year-old.”

What did I say? I said this:

In terms of vigor, you should feel like you’re in your 20s when it’s all over with.

The arteries get blocked:


And they cut open your chest!

Heart 02


They cut open your chest with a buzzsaw!

And then they wire your ribcage shut!

It’s barbaric! Stem cells and nanotech now!

Previously in ths blog:
Regis Philbin: A Heart Bypass Account For You To Read
Godspeed, Regis Philbin
Healthy, Immortal Chinese To Conquer Sick, Dying World
Stem Cells And Nanotech NOW, Goddammit!
Political Change? Prove it!

CopyNazis Now Want To Live With You!

March 20, 2007

Thomson save us from pirates

It’s something of a moist relief that manufacturers are helping broadcasters to save me from myself. Every day of my miserable life I’m but a step away from accidentally pirating something recorded on my PVR, and unintentionally damaging the trusting, loyal relationship I have with the people who supply me with endless reality TV and formulaic comedy docu-drama. Thank the lucky stars for Thomson and their NexGuard fingerprinting and encryption technology, which can embed a unique code that includes the serial number of your set-top box into anything you record from it. That way, should you inadvertently produce several thousand copies of, say, Desperate Housewives for your own, personal use, you can be tracked down and roughly flogged.


What writing! “Moist relief,” indeed!