Heather The Hot: I Begin My Woo Of You!

March 20, 2007

Pepe00

Hello, my tender inmate, objet de mon affection!

Permit me to introduce myself, I am your new lover.

As I write this, it was twenty-three days ago that les médias made a trés grande fuss over what I know is nothing more than a petite misunderstanding!

CatNews

And it has now been nineteen days since Les Gendarmes unfairly caught you in their foolhardy criminal dragnet!

Gendarmes

By now, you must wonder what will become of you. I can imagine your expression as you wait in that terrible cell!

Cell01

All you want to do is get out. To again breathe the free air.

Escape01

But fear not, my little one. I have consulted the future. For us both!

PepeFuture

And I can tell you, it is a happy one!

First, I will be waiting for you.

Out01

I know how eager you are to get out. You must be climbing the walls!

Walls01

I would not be at all surprised.

Walls02

Jail is nothing but walls. And such boring walls too!

Walls03

But rest, my dear, for I will be waiting. And I will have champagne ready!

PepeChampagne

For what is a proper wooing without champagne?

And I will be ready with les parfums of romance…

Parfum01

…so that you can wipe away the memory of your cell…

Parfum02

… and once again smell as a woman should!

I will even bring an instrument to serenade you.

Serenade01

I cannot play, and you will cover your ears in fright, but it is the effort that counts, n’est pas?

I will also bring a flower. Just one. It will be a simple woo.

Woo01

I have the seen the future for us, mon cheri, and I can show you how happy we will be together! Viola! Regardez-vous!

Joy01

I will sweep you off your feet!

Joy02

Of course, you may resist. That is to be expected. After all that time alone, you will be unused to such affection! Most men would get discouraged by this. But fortunately for you, I am not most men!

Joy03

But I will overcome your apprehensions. I will hold on to you, my dear. Tightly!

Inside01

Perhaps I should not be telling you all this. You might want to stay inside. The prospect of such joy might be too much for you to bear right now!

Inside02

For here I am, free, on the outside, promising you so much happiness!

Skunk00

It makes me feel like such a skunk!

Mais, perhaps if I tell you more, I will be able to revive your enthusiasm for the free life!

You shall bear me children. They will all be blonde. And they will come in sets of twins! Regardez cette image! I have created a dramatization montage for your delight!

BlondeSets

Do they not make your heart swell? And they shall be such good children too!

Of course, since you and I admit we are not like the petite bourgeoisie, we shall give our children names that reflect this. Their names will incite jealousy in their playmates and anguish in their unimaginative parents!

Our first pair of twins will be called Felony and Larceny. Isn’t that adorable?

And the second set, they will be called Deposit and Withdrawal.

Ah, I can imagine your squeal of happiness at this! I have succeeded in tempting you, no? Well, perhaps just a little? Did I not just see a tiny smile being born on your lovely face?

Still, with all I have offered you, I cannot help my romantic imagination. It gives me an image of you reacting to this bounty!

Love00

Could it be so?

And could the day of your release look like this?

Out01

As I promised, I will be waiting! No matter what time it is! The game of love is never called on account of darkness, my little midnight snack.

And the doors of joy will open in both of our hearts! Regardez!

Out02

Out03

Out04

Out05

Out05

Ah, such happiness!

Until that day, my little object of art, I will wait to collect you!

PepeEnd

XoXo

Prior coverage of that free-spirited bank-robbing heart-breaking hair-styling stalker-creating transvestite-making book-learning non-poetry-writing economy-crashing fame-creating playlist-inspiring humor-making arraignment-appearing Mike Cane-influencing woo-wooing and totally innocent of the charges though warped by a movie but never going to Texas she-goddess, Heather The Hot, in this blog:
Heather The Hot: Do You See How Far I Will Go Now?
Heather The Hot: Hot Arraignment Action Photos!
Heather The Hot: Hot Humor Action
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!, Act Three
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!, Act Two
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!
You Poaching Bastard! Go Get Your Own Hot Bank Robber!
Heather The Hot: Did This Movie Warp Her?
Heather The Hot: The Defense Rests!
Barbie Bandits! Heather Johnston! Hot Sex! Free Movies! FREE!!
Heather The Hot: WTF?! Poetry?!!?
Heather The Hot DEFINES Hot!
Heather The Hot: Hot YouTube Vids, A Parasitic Filmmaker, Two MySpace Pages, America’s Most Wanted, And A Muslim Connection!
Heather The Hot: Hot Crime And Cold Punishment
Heather The Hot: See? I’ve Found A Way For Our Love To Grow!
Heather The Hot: The Results Are In!
Heather The Hot: The Early Legal Years
Heather The Hot: Hot Action Photos!
Heather: She Has A Hot Brain Too!
Heather: Hotter Than Ever!
Heather: Unrepetant And Still Hot!
I Should Have Known The Hot One Is Named Heather
Hold Me Up, Then Tie Me Down!


Heather The Hot: Do You See How Far I Will Go Now?

March 20, 2007

HeatherBelly

Do you see?

Do you see now?

That’s how far I will go!

Yep!

I will steal someone else’s photo which is about another Heather! (Eh, some singer we’ve never heard of.)

That’s how far I will go!

Ooh, you’re already such a bad influence!

Now come closer, baby, and let me influence you!

Prior coverage of that free-spirited bank-robbing heart-breaking hair-styling stalker-creating transvestite-making book-learning non-poetry-writing economy-crashing fame-creating playlist-inspiring humor-making arraignment-appearing Mike Cane-influencing and totally innocent of the charges though warped by a movie but never going to Texas she-goddess, Heather The Hot, in this blog:
Heather The Hot: Hot Arraignment Action Photos!
Heather The Hot: Hot Humor Action
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!, Act Three
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!, Act Two
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!
You Poaching Bastard! Go Get Your Own Hot Bank Robber!
Heather The Hot: Did This Movie Warp Her?
Heather The Hot: The Defense Rests!
Barbie Bandits! Heather Johnston! Hot Sex! Free Movies! FREE!!
Heather The Hot: WTF?! Poetry?!!?
Heather The Hot DEFINES Hot!
Heather The Hot: Hot YouTube Vids, A Parasitic Filmmaker, Two MySpace Pages, America’s Most Wanted, And A Muslim Connection!
Heather The Hot: Hot Crime And Cold Punishment
Heather The Hot: See? I’ve Found A Way For Our Love To Grow!
Heather The Hot: The Results Are In!
Heather The Hot: The Early Legal Years
Heather The Hot: Hot Action Photos!
Heather: She Has A Hot Brain Too!
Heather: Hotter Than Ever!
Heather: Unrepetant And Still Hot!
I Should Have Known The Hot One Is Named Heather
Hold Me Up, Then Tie Me Down!


Heather The Hot: Hot Arraignment Action Photos!

March 20, 2007

CrimeScene
The scene of Ashley’s crime and Heather’s unwitting presence.

GetawayCar
Heather was in this car, surrounded and trapped by crooks!

MethBitchAshley
Meth Bitch Ashley contemplates her failed life and future inmatedom.

HeatherHair
Meth Bitch Ashley facing her doom; Heather’s hair shines, so lovely!

HeatherVogue
Heather does a Vogue with her court papers.

HeatherSerious
Heather is attentive to court proceedings!

HeatherSmile02
Heather, knowing that I know that she knows that I will be looking at this in the future, sends me a smile!

HeatherEyes
Ashley! What did you get me into this time?

HeatherFace
Knowing that she knows that I know that we will be looking at each other through the magic of TV, Heather gives me That Look!

Prior coverage of that free-spirited bank-robbing heart-breaking hair-styling stalker-creating transvestite-making book-learning non-poetry-writing economy-crashing fame-creating playlist-inspiring humor-making arraignment-appearing and totally innocent of the charges though warped by a movie but never going to Texas she-goddess, Heather The Hot, in this blog:
Heather The Hot: Hot Humor Action
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!, Act Three
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!, Act Two
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!
You Poaching Bastard! Go Get Your Own Hot Bank Robber!
Heather The Hot: Did This Movie Warp Her?
Heather The Hot: The Defense Rests!
Barbie Bandits! Heather Johnston! Hot Sex! Free Movies! FREE!!
Heather The Hot: WTF?! Poetry?!!?
Heather The Hot DEFINES Hot!
Heather The Hot: Hot YouTube Vids, A Parasitic Filmmaker, Two MySpace Pages, America’s Most Wanted, And A Muslim Connection!
Heather The Hot: Hot Crime And Cold Punishment
Heather The Hot: See? I’ve Found A Way For Our Love To Grow!
Heather The Hot: The Results Are In!
Heather The Hot: The Early Legal Years
Heather The Hot: Hot Action Photos!
Heather: She Has A Hot Brain Too!
Heather: Hotter Than Ever!
Heather: Unrepetant And Still Hot!
I Should Have Known The Hot One Is Named Heather
Hold Me Up, Then Tie Me Down!


Heather The Hot: Hot Humor Action

March 20, 2007

Barbie Bandits Rob Bank, Blow Loot on MySpace Layouts

BBfunny

Tish, you spoke Leet!

Home » Specialties » Law Enforcement » Barbie Bandits

Girl to teller-“So, like, uh, give us the money, or like, we’ll like kill you, okay? Hold on a sec, that’s my phone….NO WAY!! Britney did WHAT? OH MY GOD! Like, no way.”

Other girl- “Whatever.”

1st girl-“Britney shaved her hair.”

2nd girl-“Yeah, I do that too.”

1st girl-
“No stupid. On her head.”

2nd girl-
“Whoa, that’s hot.”

Teller-“Please shoot me.”

And:

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”

The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe.”

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I thought Barbie comes with Ken?”

“No”, said the little girl. “She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.”

Prior coverage of that free-spirited bank-robbing heart-breaking hair-styling stalker-creating transvestite-making book-learning non-poetry-writing economy-crashing fame-creating playlist-inspiring humor-making and totally innocent of the charges though warped by a movie but never going to Texas she-goddess, Heather The Hot, in this blog:
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!, Act Three
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!, Act Two
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!
You Poaching Bastard! Go Get Your Own Hot Bank Robber!
Heather The Hot: Did This Movie Warp Her?
Heather The Hot: The Defense Rests!
Barbie Bandits! Heather Johnston! Hot Sex! Free Movies! FREE!!
Heather The Hot: WTF?! Poetry?!!?
Heather The Hot DEFINES Hot!
Heather The Hot: Hot YouTube Vids, A Parasitic Filmmaker, Two MySpace Pages, America’s Most Wanted, And A Muslim Connection!
Heather The Hot: Hot Crime And Cold Punishment
Heather The Hot: See? I’ve Found A Way For Our Love To Grow!
Heather The Hot: The Results Are In!
Heather The Hot: The Early Legal Years
Heather The Hot: Hot Action Photos!
Heather: She Has A Hot Brain Too!
Heather: Hotter Than Ever!
Heather: Unrepetant And Still Hot!
I Should Have Known The Hot One Is Named Heather
Hold Me Up, Then Tie Me Down!


Regis Rises!

March 20, 2007

Reeg01

Regis Philbin fine after heart surgery

LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) — Daytime television host Regis Philbin was cracking jokes with nurses a day after heart surgery, co-host Kelly Ripa told the “Live with Regis and Kelly” audience Thursday.

And:

She said that one of his doctors says Philbin has “the heart of a 19-year-old.”

What did I say? I said this:

In terms of vigor, you should feel like you’re in your 20s when it’s all over with.

The arteries get blocked:

Heart01

And they cut open your chest!

Heart 02

Heart03

They cut open your chest with a buzzsaw!

And then they wire your ribcage shut!

It’s barbaric! Stem cells and nanotech now!

Previously in ths blog:
Regis Philbin: A Heart Bypass Account For You To Read
Godspeed, Regis Philbin
Healthy, Immortal Chinese To Conquer Sick, Dying World
Stem Cells And Nanotech NOW, Goddammit!
Political Change? Prove it!


CopyNazis Now Want To Live With You!

March 20, 2007

Thomson save us from pirates

It’s something of a moist relief that manufacturers are helping broadcasters to save me from myself. Every day of my miserable life I’m but a step away from accidentally pirating something recorded on my PVR, and unintentionally damaging the trusting, loyal relationship I have with the people who supply me with endless reality TV and formulaic comedy docu-drama. Thank the lucky stars for Thomson and their NexGuard fingerprinting and encryption technology, which can embed a unique code that includes the serial number of your set-top box into anything you record from it. That way, should you inadvertently produce several thousand copies of, say, Desperate Housewives for your own, personal use, you can be tracked down and roughly flogged.

ROTLMAO!

What writing! “Moist relief,” indeed!


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