Hello, my tender inmate, objet de mon affection!
Permit me to introduce myself, I am your new lover.
As I write this, it was twenty-three days ago that les médias made a trés grande fuss over what I know is nothing more than a petite misunderstanding!
And it has now been nineteen days since Les Gendarmes unfairly caught you in their foolhardy criminal dragnet!
By now, you must wonder what will become of you. I can imagine your expression as you wait in that terrible cell!
All you want to do is get out. To again breathe the free air.
But fear not, my little one. I have consulted the future. For us both!
And I can tell you, it is a happy one!
First, I will be waiting for you.
I know how eager you are to get out. You must be climbing the walls!
I would not be at all surprised.
Jail is nothing but walls. And such boring walls too!
But rest, my dear, for I will be waiting. And I will have champagne ready!
For what is a proper wooing without champagne?
And I will be ready with les parfums of romance…
…so that you can wipe away the memory of your cell…
… and once again smell as a woman should!
I will even bring an instrument to serenade you.
I cannot play, and you will cover your ears in fright, but it is the effort that counts, n’est pas?
I will also bring a flower. Just one. It will be a simple woo.
I have the seen the future for us, mon cheri, and I can show you how happy we will be together! Viola! Regardez-vous!
I will sweep you off your feet!
Of course, you may resist. That is to be expected. After all that time alone, you will be unused to such affection! Most men would get discouraged by this. But fortunately for you, I am not most men!
But I will overcome your apprehensions. I will hold on to you, my dear. Tightly!
Perhaps I should not be telling you all this. You might want to stay inside. The prospect of such joy might be too much for you to bear right now!
For here I am, free, on the outside, promising you so much happiness!
It makes me feel like such a skunk!
Mais, perhaps if I tell you more, I will be able to revive your enthusiasm for the free life!
You shall bear me children. They will all be blonde. And they will come in sets of twins! Regardez cette image! I have created a dramatization montage for your delight!
Do they not make your heart swell? And they shall be such good children too!
Of course, since you and I admit we are not like the petite bourgeoisie, we shall give our children names that reflect this. Their names will incite jealousy in their playmates and anguish in their unimaginative parents!
Our first pair of twins will be called Felony and Larceny. Isn’t that adorable?
And the second set, they will be called Deposit and Withdrawal.
Ah, I can imagine your squeal of happiness at this! I have succeeded in tempting you, no? Well, perhaps just a little? Did I not just see a tiny smile being born on your lovely face?
Still, with all I have offered you, I cannot help my romantic imagination. It gives me an image of you reacting to this bounty!
Could it be so?
And could the day of your release look like this?
As I promised, I will be waiting! No matter what time it is! The game of love is never called on account of darkness, my little midnight snack.
And the doors of joy will open in both of our hearts! Regardez!
Ah, such happiness!
Until that day, my little object of art, I will wait to collect you!
Prior coverage of that free-spirited bank-robbing heart-breaking hair-styling stalker-creating transvestite-making book-learning non-poetry-writing economy-crashing fame-creating playlist-inspiring humor-making arraignment-appearing Mike Cane-influencing woo-wooing and totally innocent of the charges though warped by a movie but never going to Texas she-goddess, Heather The Hot, in this blog:
Heather The Hot: Do You See How Far I Will Go Now?
Heather The Hot: Hot Arraignment Action Photos!
Heather The Hot: Hot Humor Action
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!, Act Three
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!, Act Two
Heather The Hot: Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!
You Poaching Bastard! Go Get Your Own Hot Bank Robber!
Heather The Hot: Did This Movie Warp Her?
Heather The Hot: The Defense Rests!
Barbie Bandits! Heather Johnston! Hot Sex! Free Movies! FREE!!
Heather The Hot: WTF?! Poetry?!!?
Heather The Hot DEFINES Hot!
Heather The Hot: Hot YouTube Vids, A Parasitic Filmmaker, Two MySpace Pages, America’s Most Wanted, And A Muslim Connection!
Heather The Hot: Hot Crime And Cold Punishment
Heather The Hot: See? I’ve Found A Way For Our Love To Grow!
Heather The Hot: The Results Are In!
Heather The Hot: The Early Legal Years
Heather The Hot: Hot Action Photos!
Heather: She Has A Hot Brain Too!
Heather: Hotter Than Ever!
Heather: Unrepetant And Still Hot!
I Should Have Known The Hot One Is Named Heather
Hold Me Up, Then Tie Me Down!