It’s A Phone, You Life-Deprived Eejits! A P-h-o-n-e!

Oh for crying out loud!

I really didn’t want to do this, but the hype over the Nokia N95 (no, I will not link to anything Nokian! Not ever!) is really twisting my shorts.

I went to the Nokia Store Monday night, after leaving the Apple Store. I intended only to get a picture of the goddammed fugly place, but that ginormous N95 banner sucked me in.

I asked to see it and, as befits my stature in life, I was personally escorted to it by some lackey. Who also gave me a brief demo.

Then came the part that nearly caused me to rupture my intestines from suppressing my laughter: the price.

SEVEN HUNDRED AND FORTY NINE DOLLARS!

For a phone.

No, no, no. Don’t argue with me.

It’s a goddammed phone!

I don’t care that it has a 5MP camera built-in. Nokia is not a camera producer.

I don’t care that it has GPS built-in. Are you going to tell me that wee screen is ideal for GPS?

I don’t care that it can play video and music. These days, what the fuck can’t?

And, no no no!, don’t play that You Can Do Word Processing And Work On It. No you fucking can’t! There’s no keyboard!

That’s right, folks, web browsing is a marvelous experience — not! — because you can do it by using the fucking phone keypad, as if you were doing SMS!

Nokia continues to take my breath away. They’ve found yet another way to make using the Internet a suicide-inducing experience.

And for US$749.00.

Hahahahahahahaha!!!