Kill Kill Kill Kill The CFLs!!!

Fluorescent Bulbs Are Known to Zap Domestic Tranquillity

NESKOWIN, Ore. — Alex and Sara Sifford, who live here on the Oregon coast, want to do the right thing to save a warming world.

To that end, Alex Sifford, 51, has been buying compact fluorescent light bulbs, which use about 75 percent less power than incandescent bulbs. He sneaks them into sockets all over the house. This has been driving his wife nuts.

She knows that the bulbs, called CFLs, save money and use less energy, thus cutting greenhouse gas emissions blamed for climate change. She knows, too, that Al Gore, Oprah Winfrey and the Department of Energy endorse them. Still, the bulbs, with their initial flicker, slow warm-up and slightly weird color, bug her.

“What really got me was when my husband put a fluorescent in the lamp next to my bed,” recalls Sara Sifford, 53. She said she yelled at her husband for “violating the last vestige of my personal space.”

Experts on energy consumption call it the “wife test.” And one of the dimly lighted truths of the global-warming era is that fluorescent bulbs still seem to be flunking out in most American homes.

American women, I’m begging on my knees — no, on my belly! — do not give in to the Lighting Nazis! Defend the home front against these goddammed bulbs!

The fate of my well-being is in your hands!

Previously in this blog:
Lighting Nazis Must Die!!
Aha! Read This, You Lighting Nazi Bastards!
Eat Mercury And Die, Lighting Nazis!!!
Thank God! I Am Saved From The Lighting Nazis!!
Your Final Warning: Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare!
Don’t You Bastards DARE To Even TRY This Here!

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