First-level support says the problem is in the Roadrunner wiring.
They bump me to Level 3.
Level 3 says, No, honest guv, it’s the Big Bad Nasty Internet With All Its Icky Bits That Makes Your Service Seem Like Shit Stuck In A Constipated Bowel.
And then once I’m off the phone with all of them, the bandwidth dramatically increases.
Like fucking magic.
You tech bastards will swing one day.
Now pass me my mud slate and abacus so I can get some real work done.