Must I Again Call For The Enslavement And Total Death Of You Technoids?

July 19, 2007

Did you see the travesty of that last post?

Firefox upgraded itself today. Afterwards, it cheerily announced that it was not going to work with the current Java Console I have installed — and, by the way schmuck, there ain’t no upgraded Console that will work with us.

Fake Steve Jobs is right: you freetards are freetarded!

That back-assward text came about after I visited Fatalis’s site.

Oh go ahead and clicky-clicky on that linky-linky — especially if you are running the latest Fox.

Then heed the advice of Paddy Chayefsky.

!!?ereH nO gnioG sI tahW

July 19, 2007

?!!?taht fo tceffe-edis gnickuf a siht sI.elbitapmocni saw dah I elosnoc avaJ eht em dlot ti ssecorp eht ni dna dmna — flesti dedargpu ti ,rehtar ro — xoferiF dedargpu I!esoprup no siht gniod ton ma I ,oN

PayPal Is Releasing Their Bank Squirrels

July 19, 2007

The ETA for the EFT is July 24th.

Is that pathetic or what?

Also pathetic is that I had to make a physical movement to a brick and mortar bank for — what else — a fekkin eejit number.

In the 21st Century, why is everything still acting as if we’re in the 19th?

Anyway, I’ll start sorting through all my photos to arrange their publication next week.

Let me pull the drooling Stimpy out of image storage here as I anticipate being able to use less words and more images again …


I Can Has Image Storage? No.

July 19, 2007

Got the card. Tried to add funds to my PayPal account. Ran into a stupid glitch.

Besides that, once this eejit hurdle has been overcome, it will indeed take three to four days for the funds to materialize. Apparently it takes that long for PayPal to loose their squirrels.

So, no orgy of photos until next week.


Quaker Oats Must Die!

July 19, 2007

My frantic email to them:

Suddenly I can’t find your plain or berry Crunchy Oatmeal Bars on Staten Island. They seem to have been replaced by more Chewy and a new “Sweet & Salty” mutation. The “Sweet & Salty” are simply disgusting and I won’t ever buy them again. Are you still making the Crunchy Oatmeal Bars? Can you get your distributors to get some on the shelves of the supermarkets in this area again? Thank you.

I go to to their website — and the Crunchy ones aren’t listed anywhere!

All they have are those rotten Chewy ones that stick to the teeth and are a real choking hazard too! And that new Sweet & Salty? Whoever came up with that should simply be taken outside Quaker HQ and set on fire as a lesson not to fuck with good products.

Now I’ve got to spend this evening — which threatens to be a non-stop hellacious downpour — going from one supermarket to another buying up the remaining stock of the Crunchy bars.

Hey, Quaker Oats! Do you know how much I hate oatmeal? Do you know that as I kid I’d rather eat my own vomit than your oatmeal? Do you realize that your Crunchy oatmeal bars are the only oatmeal of yours I’ll ever eat? Do you know how many people I’ve recommended those to?

And now you went and discontinued them?

You’ve just joined Nokia on my You Must Go Bankrupt list.

You wanna shut me up? My silence can be rented.

Hint A.

Hint B: A caravan of eighteen-wheelers. Pallets ain’t enough.

eBooks on iPhone: Another Person Who Won’t Wait For Apple

July 19, 2007

My first eBook on the iPhone: not good, but there’s hope

One of the downers of the iPhone to me is that I can’t install one of my favorite eBook readers like I can on my Windows Mobile devices. I tend to use eReader, but also hop over to Mobipocket or Microsoft’s Reader, depending on the format of my content. I was thinking about this last night and then had an “A-ha!” moment realizing there was at least one possible solution here: Amazon Upgrade right in the Safari browser.

Hey, Steve Jobs! eBooks need to happen on the iPhone! eBooks need to happen to enhance Apple’s revenues and marketplace power! eBooks need to happen so they’re priced at what they should be!

Please get a crash project going on an iReader program. Give us this and an eBook section in the iTunes Store in time for year-end holiday gift buying!

Previously in this blog:
eBooks On iPhone: Not Waiting For Apple!
iPhone: First eBook On It?
Mucho Namaste To FSJ!
Will Apple Steal The eBook Limelight From Sony And Create Another Mass Market?

I Am Fake Steve Jobs

July 19, 2007

UPDATE, August 7, 2007: Yeah, well, a Commentard at the FSJ blog had this nifty idea that if everyone stood up ala the movie Spartacus and shouted “I”m Fake Steve Jobs!” it would help muddy the search waters. I should have started using FSJisms like his patented “(See here.),” but I didn’t. It would have been great if Boston bloggers had all stood up to confuse things. But I guess I was expecting too much from the descendants of frigtards who thought they could turn a lake into tea. Or something. (See here.) Now on to the original post text:

No, really.

It’s true.

I got bored one day and thought, “You know, what would it be like if I was the Coolest Fucking Guy In The Universe? What kind of life would I have? What kind of job would I have?”

All this took place while I was happily using free time on a MacBook at an Apple Store.


I shared this idea with some friends (yes, I do have those!) and we all got together and decided to do it in the form of a Secret Diary — mainly because one of us (I won’t say who except it damned well wasn’t me!) was an Adrian Mole fan as a kid (eejit!).

I don’t often write the entries. It turns out my own style just isn’t cool enough. (You bastards, using my love of certain F-words against me! They went with the twee frigtard over my fucktard!)

But I will suggest items for the Secret Diary. Just look at this blog and you can see my fingerprints all over the Fake Steve Jobs blog!

My one regret?

This backfired.

Dammit. And I was so close to finally having a date too!

So call off your dogs, you creeps who can’t leave an illusion alone. I’m outed.

But when the end of the year comes up, all of your kids are going to get many emails with fake links that all point to this story. Have fun explaining how you killed Fake Steve Jobs and the Real Santa is dead.